Expiration Dating

People always come into your life for a reason, a season, and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do... ~Author Unknown

I find myself having the same conversation a lot. It is the fork in the road before I enter into one of my discreet, up front polyamorous relationships. Clarity is established as to the paradigm of the person I'm talking with. If we are not of like minds, we typically just decide to keep things on the friends level. Better to have things clear and no hearts broken than somebody thinking we're headed somewhere we're not and end up hurt.

Yes, take the time to absorb it: I have a conscious. Just don't tell anybody. It'll ruin the reputation of my icy exterior.

The real matter at hand here, though, is what I like to call the "and" principal. All too often, people like to make things either/or. For example:

"Should we run advertising OR hire a sales force"

My answer: do both. Integrate the two modalities as they exponentially assist each other.

"Should I remain an employee or become a business owner?"

Well, again, not a bad idea to start working your business on the side as you are working full time, that way you keep the lights on while building your pipeline. Just don't do this if you have an employee agreement or non compete clause of some form. See, 'and.'

But my most favorite arena to apply the principal of 'and' is, you guessed it: My sex life.

"Should we be friends OR have a sexual relationship?"

And.

"Should I be searching for the love of my life OR having short term sexual relationships?"

And.

I know the immediate answer to most of these. That bringing sex into the equation usually fucks things up. And you are right if, like anything, it is done incorrectly. Here's some ways to screw up adding sex to a friendship:

1 Not being upfront and communicating what each other expect.

2 Not respecting the wishes of each person involved. Some want discreet. Some don't care if their whole social circle knows. Whatever the case, communicate your concerns and honor the agreements you make.

I have sex with a lot of my friends. Always have. Not ALL of them, and certainly not the ones that don't feel comfortable or aren't able to separate the autopilot mentality of sex=feelings of commitment=long term relationship=marriage=kids=etc, etc, etc. Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. To each their own, always. It's just not me. It's also not all of my sexy female friends. And thank god for that.

Now, this brings us to the second 'and' I mentioned. I like to search for the love of my life AND enjoy sexual relationships along the way, however long their natural life cycle may be. Maybe it's a couple of weekends, maybe it's a couple of years. Only the future really knows for sure.

The way I figure it, when I meet that special lady that is as on fire for me as I am for her, our life timing is right, we have all the magic, well, not a damn thing will stand in the way of that. I won't have to be talked into forsaking all others. I won't be able to see them past her. And I know this is possible because yes (brace yourself again), the bad doctor has fallen head over heels for someone and couldn;t give a shit less about another woman if you tried to pay me. But, as so often happens, they didn't feel the same way and I was left to deal with the fallout. Suck, but that's life.

But until that time, well, life is full of amazing, beautiful, amorous women that think like I do. And funny enough, I'm due to have dinner with one in about 30 minutes....

Until next time....

Angelus